Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
2013: A Journey of Faith
This past year has been one filled with searching, stepping out in faith, listening and waiting for God’s direction, receiving amazing provision from the LORD and rejoicing in the birth of our daughter, Faith. To say the least, 2013 was a year of Faith for our family. At the end of 2012 Lorene and I had been talking about our family and adoption. We both committed to praying about what God wanted for us. In January the whole family watched “Rescued: The Heart of Adoption and Caring for Orphans”. After praying more, we decided to step out in faith and start the domestic adoption process.
Our Fundraising Journey of Faith
We knew that this type of adoption would cost a lot, and we knew that we did not have all the money we would need, so we committed to the LORD to trust Him to provide and we talked about ways in which we could fundraise and sacrifice. One of the biggest blessings this year was watching the ways in which our children wanted to help bring a child into our home. We had ideas that ranged from movie nights at the church, to lemonade stands, and the like. Ultimately, the children worked with mom to get neck warmers/ice packs hand made. Lorene worked with her Aunt Mina to create a beautiful Poster of Family Ways, and we put any extra money from Frogmama sales toward adoption expenses. We even sold our tent trailer in the middle of the summer to put toward the adoption.
God’s Great Provision
Within all of these things, God provided the people to purchase items and we sold our trailer for more than we paid for it. Even though we had put together about $10,000 for the adoption, we estimated we would be left with the need to raise about $17,000 more. Each step of the way, Lorene and I prayed for God’s leading. As we looked at child after child between May and September and we not chosen time after time, we were a bit discouraged, but believed God had a specific plan for us. So we prayed for God to narrow our search and give us wisdom in applications and budgeting. We both felt that God did not want us to go deeply in debt through this process and we believed that God really wanted us to trust him. So as we applied to situations that had some scary possibilities, all those No’s were really just him confirming that he would bring Faith to us in a special way, and He did.
We had prayed with each situation that it would be clear this child was for us and in September we were working with a consultant and deciding if we would continue with her or not before we paid another large sum of money for her services. She suggested that we take two weeks to see if a situation comes up or not. We agreed, and within that time had a situation to present on in Florida. This tested our patience as the following scenario happened:
On 9-15 we found out about another birthmother in FL through this same connection and requested more information and on 9-17 we found out that there was a history of mental health issues with the family of the birthmother and the birthfather was unknown. The baby was said to be due the beginning of October. We prayed, researched issues, and requested to be presented.
On 9-20 we found out they hadn’t presented yet, but hoped it would be that day, but the next day there was
still no updates and we heard of a couple other situations but couldn’t present as we were waiting to hear back
We heard noting the next day, but on 9-23 we heard that we had not been chosen and we were asked if we wanted to present on another situation they had, but we did not.
On 9-24 we received an email from this same attorney that the birthmother in Florida was a carrier of Fragile X and the family she was matched with had backed out, were we still interested? This began a frantic search of what in the world is fragile x and is it something we should consider. After Lots of prayers and discussion on 9-25, we stepped out in faith and sent this email “Ok Lets do it! Excited and nervous- please let me know when we will be shown again and the results...Thanks”
Then nothing but prayers for the next six days when we received a call from the advisor saying the birth mom was really scared at this point, because she was really worried that no one wanted her baby and that if the baby was born with any issues that they would abandon her. The attorney requested we write a letter right away to her with our intentions. We quickly did expressing to her that we were committed regardless of the outcome. Prayers continued.
On 10-4- sent an email to the attorney reaffirming our commitment to this Birth-mom and her baby. It was challenging as we were pretty regularly receiving other situations we could be applying for, normally a situation was decided in a couple days so this was definitely unusual.
ON 10/4 received a call saying WE WERE MATCHED!! SHE HAD CHOOSEN OUR FAMILY FOR HER BABY!
10-8 received the test results on the birth-mom’s Fragile X test and it came back that she didn’t have it; not even a carrier! Praise God!
10-18: We were able to Skype with the birth-mom, her foster mom and her attorney. We had been told up to this point baby was due any day, but now was looking like it was going to be the end of the month. We started planning for a trip to FL. Waiting daily for a call saying she was in labor and we would get the next flight out. We had initially decided to have our entire family travel as we would be staying in FL for about 2 weeks, but after much thought and prayers we decided to just have the two of us travel and have Grandma and Papa watch the kids for a week. Thank you so much Papa and Grandma! We truly couldn’t have done this without you.
On Friday, November 1st, we received an email from the attorney saying that the birth-mom was scheduled to be induced Tuesday- just a few days away! We booked our tickets through a generous friend who had offered a great discount to leave that Sunday night. So we flew all night- not sleeping at all- and arrived in Florida Monday morning. We were able to contact the birthmom and meet her and her foster mom in person for dinner that night before the induction the next morning.
11-5-13 was a long day of getting to know each other, making decisions, a C-Section, and the birth of Faith Serenity Foster around 7 o’clock. So precious and sweet like her birth mom who we had already begun to attach too.
We spent Wednesday and Thursday in the hospital sharing time with Faith with the birth mom and her foster mother. As challenges with the hospital arose between the foster mom, Faith and her birth mom were discharged at 1am on Friday morning instead of 10 am when we had planned to do the signing of papers. We prayed a lot and tried to be peacekeepers and we got to have Faith in the hotel room with us overnight. Around 11 am Friday morning we had a beautiful and tearful ceremony where we assured the birth mom of our commitment to love and raise Faith. We prayed, gave hugs and said goodbye, and then signed papers with the attorney.
God provided a place to stay in nearby town with our previous pastor from Maine, where Lorene stayed with Faith for another week and a half until she could bring her home to California. Lorene really got to bond with Faith and enjoyed sweet fellowship with several old friends. Thank you Dave and Jana for your love, words of wisdom and hospitality! You are such a blessing. While in Florida a friend of Lorene’s asked about what costs we still had left to pay for, and she let us know that a friend of hers wanted to pay for all our outstanding costs! Praise God! He is truly Jehovah Jireh, God our Provider!
So to sum things up we have seen this year that we must trust the LORD with all we have and follow his call. He calls us to be faithful and obedient. We want to say thank you to all of you who have prayed for us, given us encouragement, shared wisdom, opened your homes to us and our kids, and who have sacrificed financially to help us bring Faith home. We will never be able to say thank you enough, but we thank you for listening to the LORD and answering his call to partner with us through this adoption. We look forward to finalizing the adoption in March and in the mean time we are all loving on Faith and thank the LORD for this and the coming years where our faith will be tested and His provision proven faithful.
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:40
Thank you all for being part of this journey and helping us take care of “one of the least of these”.
We are hoping to finalize our adoption sometime later this month or early April. We still appreciate your prayers for this process.
Hopefully our next post will be a big announcement of finalization!
Friday, November 22, 2013
A few things I have learned about adoption...
During our adoption journey these last few months I have learned quite a bit about domestic (In the US) adoption. I am sure Troy has learned quite a bit as well, but will let him add his thoughts later.
I would love to talk to anyone who is interested in more details about adopting themselves.
First. There are LOTS of kids out there who need homes. There are many older kids especially. There are also quite a few babies especially if you are open to any ethnicity, possible drug/alcohol use and or any special needs. We kind of followed a non traditional way of connecting with our birthmom. Many families who decide to pursue adoption research agencies and sign up with just one of them to handle everything for them. When doing this they let the agency know their preferences if any and then the agency lets them know when chosen by a birthmom who has also selected that specific agency. The way we did it was initially we used an adoption consultant. She educated us quite a bit, helped us with our profile book then recommended a few agencies with little or no up front cost to register with. By reaching out to multiple agencies this expanded the potential expectant moms we could be matched with. Doing it this way was also a bit more challenging because in order for our family profile book to be shown to a birthmom the agency/attorney would have to contact us first each time and make sure we were interested and that we weren't presenting on any others right then as you can only present to one at a time. When you present you are committing 100% to adopting this child if you are chosen. For us this meant presenting 16 times in about 4 months. Sometimes these were babies already born, due any day or due in a few months. This was an exciting time, a stressful time, and a time full of much prayer.
We ended up networking with many other agencies so that I believe at the end we were hearing situations form 10+ sources. Most of the situations (an expecting mom looking for a family to place her baby with) that we presented to were kind of "overflow" cases from the different agencies/adoption attorneys. Typically there were cases that for whatever reason the adoptive parents that had registered with them were not interested. We saw mostly minority children, although not all, a lot of drug use/alcohol use situations and quite a bit of special needs from minor to extreme. When we would hear of a situation we would pray about it and then decide as a couple wether we felt God was leading us to present. This was such a faith building time. There were a few situations that were really scary feeling to us, but after much prayer we both felt there wasn't a clear no, so we presented and left it in Gods hands to decide.
Second thing we realized early on is that you really have to do your homework about many things. There are MANY adoption scams out there. Working with someone reputable can literally save you tens of thousands of dollars. Even working with someone reputable, there will be at risk expenses. Every mom has the right to end the end decide to parent her baby. Depending on the agency/attorney you work with the amount at risk can vary from $1000 to $18k or more. That brings me to the financial aspects. Domestic adoption is expensive! Most situations we saw were between $30,000 and $60,000. The exception to that would be older kids or more severe special needs, in those cases many times total fees were $10,000 or less. The costs really varied from state to state depending on the expenses the birthmom was requesting, rent, food, etc, and if she had medical insurance or not.
If you are being led to pursue adoption I would love to talk with you more.
One free resource if you are starting the process is a facebook group called Adoption situations. There are lots of helpful families and many situations posted there that once you are homestudy ready you can research further.
I would love to talk to anyone who is interested in more details about adopting themselves.
First. There are LOTS of kids out there who need homes. There are many older kids especially. There are also quite a few babies especially if you are open to any ethnicity, possible drug/alcohol use and or any special needs. We kind of followed a non traditional way of connecting with our birthmom. Many families who decide to pursue adoption research agencies and sign up with just one of them to handle everything for them. When doing this they let the agency know their preferences if any and then the agency lets them know when chosen by a birthmom who has also selected that specific agency. The way we did it was initially we used an adoption consultant. She educated us quite a bit, helped us with our profile book then recommended a few agencies with little or no up front cost to register with. By reaching out to multiple agencies this expanded the potential expectant moms we could be matched with. Doing it this way was also a bit more challenging because in order for our family profile book to be shown to a birthmom the agency/attorney would have to contact us first each time and make sure we were interested and that we weren't presenting on any others right then as you can only present to one at a time. When you present you are committing 100% to adopting this child if you are chosen. For us this meant presenting 16 times in about 4 months. Sometimes these were babies already born, due any day or due in a few months. This was an exciting time, a stressful time, and a time full of much prayer.
We ended up networking with many other agencies so that I believe at the end we were hearing situations form 10+ sources. Most of the situations (an expecting mom looking for a family to place her baby with) that we presented to were kind of "overflow" cases from the different agencies/adoption attorneys. Typically there were cases that for whatever reason the adoptive parents that had registered with them were not interested. We saw mostly minority children, although not all, a lot of drug use/alcohol use situations and quite a bit of special needs from minor to extreme. When we would hear of a situation we would pray about it and then decide as a couple wether we felt God was leading us to present. This was such a faith building time. There were a few situations that were really scary feeling to us, but after much prayer we both felt there wasn't a clear no, so we presented and left it in Gods hands to decide.
Second thing we realized early on is that you really have to do your homework about many things. There are MANY adoption scams out there. Working with someone reputable can literally save you tens of thousands of dollars. Even working with someone reputable, there will be at risk expenses. Every mom has the right to end the end decide to parent her baby. Depending on the agency/attorney you work with the amount at risk can vary from $1000 to $18k or more. That brings me to the financial aspects. Domestic adoption is expensive! Most situations we saw were between $30,000 and $60,000. The exception to that would be older kids or more severe special needs, in those cases many times total fees were $10,000 or less. The costs really varied from state to state depending on the expenses the birthmom was requesting, rent, food, etc, and if she had medical insurance or not.
If you are being led to pursue adoption I would love to talk with you more.
One free resource if you are starting the process is a facebook group called Adoption situations. There are lots of helpful families and many situations posted there that once you are homestudy ready you can research further.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Thankfulness list continued...
I started this blog originally as a way to keep track of a thankfulness list after reading the book 1000 Gifts. Needless to say I wasn't on tope of it as I didn't get to far, but I love this idea especially in this season as there is just so so much to be thankful for.
23. times of quiet reflection.
24 Gods hand of provision throughout our lives
25 Financial blessing and provision for our adoption costs.
26 spending preciou stime with the birthmom and her foster mom.
27 healthy, beautiful baby girl
28 Favor with nurses at the hospital.
29 Growing, stretching in the times of waiting
30 Blessing of staying with Godly, encouraging friends
31 Time spent with other old friends from far away.
32 Gods hand orchestrating everything in His time and for His Glory and our good...
33 a wonderful husband caring for kids while I am away
34 involved caring grandparents helping out whereever needed
35 kids excited to meet their new baby sister
36 the prayers of many, seeing how God works through them each step of the way...
37 seeing Gods hand at workeach step of the way, a car seat, clothes stc, all with people saying I had meant to give these away sooner, but something held me back...:)
38 loving, sweet birthmom thanking us for giving her baby something she wasn't able to in her situation
39 Gods hand on us and with us through our time at the hospital. Being able to get ahold of the attorney around 10pm at night right away to get through a crisis situation.
40 "Great is thy Faithfulness" on Pandora at just the right times:)
41 knowing and believing God is Faithful.
42 staying on a beautiful lake with a nature path to be able to get out and enjoy Gods creation.
43 loving, supportive friends and family
44 After being told by the attorney not to "mother" the birthmom, the blessing of being asked the final day by the birthmom and foster mom to help hands on with her care.
45 Baby Faith
23. times of quiet reflection.
24 Gods hand of provision throughout our lives
25 Financial blessing and provision for our adoption costs.
26 spending preciou stime with the birthmom and her foster mom.
27 healthy, beautiful baby girl
28 Favor with nurses at the hospital.
29 Growing, stretching in the times of waiting
30 Blessing of staying with Godly, encouraging friends
31 Time spent with other old friends from far away.
32 Gods hand orchestrating everything in His time and for His Glory and our good...
33 a wonderful husband caring for kids while I am away
34 involved caring grandparents helping out whereever needed
35 kids excited to meet their new baby sister
36 the prayers of many, seeing how God works through them each step of the way...
37 seeing Gods hand at workeach step of the way, a car seat, clothes stc, all with people saying I had meant to give these away sooner, but something held me back...:)
38 loving, sweet birthmom thanking us for giving her baby something she wasn't able to in her situation
39 Gods hand on us and with us through our time at the hospital. Being able to get ahold of the attorney around 10pm at night right away to get through a crisis situation.
40 "Great is thy Faithfulness" on Pandora at just the right times:)
41 knowing and believing God is Faithful.
42 staying on a beautiful lake with a nature path to be able to get out and enjoy Gods creation.
43 loving, supportive friends and family
44 After being told by the attorney not to "mother" the birthmom, the blessing of being asked the final day by the birthmom and foster mom to help hands on with her care.
45 Baby Faith
Monday, November 11, 2013
Baby is Here!! WOW what a wild ride...and it isn't over yet. PRAYER REQUESTS TOO!
So the end of last week we got a text from our attorney saying that our expectant mom was scheduled to be induced on Tuesday. So we excitedly got the last of our things packed and ready and flew out Sunday night. We wanted to make sure even if delayed that we would be there for the birth. As the last time we had Skyped with her she had said she would really like us there and in the room with her for the delivery. Once we arrived we found out that we may be able to meet with them on Monday before the delivery. We ended up going to dinner with the expectant mom (EM) and her Foster Mom (FM) and the social worker. We had about an hour and it was great to have a sort of icebreaker before the big day Tuesday. I was surprised at how small the EM was she was very petite and all belly. She was super sweet and shy:) Her FM was nice and very opinionated about various aspects of the plan. She had views and was not afraid to express them. At dinner they asked if we could pick them up at their home the next morning to get to the hospital at 7am. We were both exhausted after taking a red eye the night before and only getting less than 2 hours sleep. So we arranged for a cab for them and planned to meet them at the hospital at 7am.
The next morning the timing was perfect and we arrived at the hospital just as they were getting out of the taxi. We helped them carry their things up to the room. We also met the EM's brother who had come for the day to support her. He was nice and we were able to talk with him at various times throughout the day.
The doctor came around 8:30 and started her on the Pitocin. They asked us to leave the room while they got everything settled. Then the BM's attorney arrived and asked us to stay out of the room a while longer. we just had to roll with the requests. Then around 12 the attorney came to us again and said we should leave the hospital and go to lunch, just to stay within a 15-minute radius. This was a bit disappointing, as I really wanted to be there for the EM. The attorney said she would call us around 3 with an update.
Around 3:30 we got a call saying things still weren’t progressing quickly and we could come back to the hospital for a visit with the EM. We hurried back and went right to her room. At that point they had stopped the Pitocin as they said the babies movements had slowed down quite a bit when she started having some bigger contractions. So the EM was just sitting in her bed, which she had been doing most of the time. she said she really couldn't feel any contractions at that point. The baby’s heartbeat was strong. We stayed in the room with her 30 minutes or so then were asked by the attorney to go to the waiting room. About 5pm the FM came to the waiting room with tears in her eyes saying that they were doing a cesarean. We found out at that point that they had broken her water shortly after starting the Pitocin, and that she really hadn't progressed. Really felt horrible for her having to go through a cesarean at such a young age. We were not able to see her before she went in for surgery, then at 6:47 baby was born. The attorney came to get us just a few minutes after and we went to the nursery window to see her for the first time. She was so tiny and just screaming. then she sucked her fingers in her mouth and settled right down. About 30 minutes later they brought her out to see us for the first time. She was just beautiful perfect in every way. Her scores at birth were 9 and 9. She had quite a thick layer of vernix so the Pediatrician said she was probably about 38 weeks gestation.
Initially our plan with the EM and FM had been for the EM to have one hospital bracelet and for me to have the other. This would allow us unsupervised access to the baby. When the birth happened the hospital gave the bracelets to the EM, now the Birth mom (BM) and the FM. So at that point we had to only be with the baby if she was in the room with the BM. We checked with the hospital about spending the night there and they offered to let us stay in a room about 3 doors down from the BM. We met with the BM attorney again and she strongly advised us to not stay there, but I really felt I needed to. So later that night probably 9 or 10pm The nurses told us as long as we showed picture ID we could be with baby. So at that point Troy visited for a little while then he went back to the hotel which was just a few minutes away to get a good night sleep. I was able to have the baby in my room most f the night, which was an amazing blessing. The first time we had some quiet alone time I was just holding her and talking to her and praying over her and it just felt like we were so connected already. It felt as if my heart was bursting with love for her and for her birth mom who was making this amazing choice.
Troy came back in the morning and we spent the day getting to know the birth mom and her FM. Troy had taken her brother home the night before in our rental car. The birth mom was in so much pain it was really hard to watch. After that first night she was refusing all pain meds. She also, later in the day, kept getting up to walk around to try to recover faster. It was really shocking and hard to watch her go through this, but the whole time she was amazingly strong and kept reaffirming her commitment to her plan. We spent a lot of time that day in their room with baby and she really didn’t want to hold or see baby very much. The FM was the same and just tried to keep her distance from baby but they really wanted us in there with them (I think to see how we were doing with baby). Towards the end of the day she did hold baby, but then when baby started to cry she held the baby to ne and said come get your baby. She said another time that she never really felt like the baby was hers and she felt that was our baby.
She said another time that she never really felt that the baby was hers.
The day was long and we finally went to be around 11 and baby was allowed to be with me again through the night. It was interesting tome how different bottle-feeding was. I am so used to breastfeeding it was awkward to figure out when and how much to feed her. But I was so thankful for that time, Troy slept back at the hotel again. That afternoon also the FM had agreed for me to have the bracelet as the nurses said now that I wasn't allowed to see he baby along without it, so that was great, but the FM wanted me to make sure to not leave the floor for any reason or she wanted the bracelet back...
The third day was spent mostly again all of us in the room with the birth mom and her FM. Troy took the FM home to get a few things, and it was great getting o know them and to hear more of their lives, as sad and hard as it was to hear. At a few points throughout teh day we were able to have time alone with the birthmother and just repeatedly thanked us for giving her baby right now what she wasn't able to. She did around dinnertime also secretly let us know that her FM hadn't had anything to eat that day and she didn;t have any money to buy something, so Troy went and bought a pizza and dropped it off ath their roon. Throughout out hospital stay the nurses had been good to us, but the FM's strong personality and her methods were really building up I think on the nurses and doctors. The care the birth mom was reviving was defiantly below par and the doctors and nurses really did as minimal contact with her as they could. at one point the second day the birth mom was complaining that one of her sides really hurt and they called the nurse in. The Dr. was on the floor so she said she would get him. She came back a few minutes later and said she told the Dr. and he said to just tell her "she is fine". I was shocked to say the least, even the nurse looked a bit embarrassed that the doctor didn’t even come check her. So later that afternoon the FM called me into their room, her knee had been bothering her so she was trying not to walk around a lot. She asked if I could help BM get up out of bed and into the shower. I was so thankful to be able to help. Early on I was told by the attorney to not interfere or try to help the BM as much as I really, really wanted to. She said I needed to respect the FM's mothering, as different as it was to mine:). So up til this point I had just been trying to keep quiet and still and not offer to help unless asked. So I was able to help her shower and help bind her breasts after. But really this was something the nursing staff should have been helping with, but they never did... So tensions continued to build between FM and the staff. That night we were just trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour it was after 10 and we had just gotten into bed. I had asked as it was the last night if Troy could stay at the hospital with me as I was exhausted and could use the help, but really wanted baby to stay with us verses going to the nursery. Anyway Troy had just fallen asleep when there was a knock and our door was opened by grandma who was VERY upset and saying they were leaving the hospital.
So... the next couple hours were a flurry of panicked phone called to both attorneys trying to calm her down and convince her to just stay the night as the attorneys were scheduled to come in the morning anyway. The FM insisted that they needed to leave now or "she would end up going to jail" So she signed forms that against medical advice she was taking her daughter home. This whole time she was still affirming that the baby was still ours, but that they just needed to leave. She said we could come to her house with baby and sleep in her bed and she would sleep on t eh couch. This was something we were very uncomfortable with as Troy has visited their home twice at this point. We tried to convince her to let us stay at the hospital with baby as that was something the hospital agreed to, but she was adamant that if she was leaving we all needed to leave. So about 12:30 it was finally decided that we would all leave and go to a nearby hotel. Our attorney booked us both rooms there. We had to take everyone in our small rental car so they decided that Troy should take them and baby first to the hotel then leave them there with baby then come back to the hotel to pick me up. At this point I was so scared that when we got to the hotel they would end up keeping baby, but as with the past three days I just had to go along with their plans as much as it was scary. There were many, many, many prayers being said though. So that was what happened. It was after 1am when Troy came back to pick me up, as soon as we pulled to the hotel though we got a phone call before I was even out of the car from the F saying "come get your baby" she was fussy and wanted me:). WHAT a relief I didn't unload anything just went as fast as I could to their room. Then at that point after 1:30am now, she wanted to say all her goodbyes and take pictures:) I can only imagine what our faces look like at that point...
We got to our room around 2am and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning the attorneys were scheduled to come at 10:30. We got a call saying they were delayed and it wouldn't be until 11:30. Around 11:45 I got a call from the FM she said "Lorene honey I have some bad news.....long pause..."we love you guys HAHAHAHAHA!" needless to say I didn't think it was funny at the time:) then she sent a text a few minutes later that she was still laughing and wished she could have seen my face... this was pretty similar to to things that had gone on all during our stay, just a very different personality. So then around 12:30 we heard the attorneys were meeting with them signing papers. About 15 minutes later they came to our room and said it was all done. Then a few minutes later the BM and FM came to our room for the adoption ceremony and to really say their good byes.
Wow this is all so much harder to write then I thought it would be...
Going into adoption you hear what a powerful, emotional, difficult process it is, but until you have walked through it is so much bigger than anything I could have imagined or expected.
Our attorney wanted to video the ceremony and took pictures throughout, nut sure when we will be able to watch it, but I am sure someday it will be good to share with Faith. The Birth mom had a teddy bear that talked and although it sounds kind of corny it was some beautiful words about adoption. Then Troy and I had a letter prepared to share with her. Even before Troy started reading we all were crying. I gave the Birthmother a customized necklace I had made just for her.It was a hugely powerful, emotional time for all of us. Then we took some more pictures and everyone hugged a lot and then it was over. Our attorney met with us to go over a few more lingering details and we would appreciate your continued prayers about these aspects.
At this point the birthfather is "unnamed" so there is a legal process that has to be taken to terminate his parental rights. M understanding is that this process takes 7-10 business days. So there is a small chance that the birthfather will not want to terminate his rights at that point then the court will have to make a decision. Our understanding is that if he has not been involved up until this point there would be a very small chance that he would be able to keep his parental rights.
Secondly Troy flew home Saturday to be with the rest of the kids at home. Please pray for him extra measures of patience and energy. Lastly I am still in Florida with baby Faith, staying with some wonderful friends of ours, and so thankful for them. I cannot leave the state with the baby until the paperwork clears which at this point is estimated to be about a week and a half more. I would love to get home sooner. Please pray that this ICPC paperwork can be expedited in some way.
Lastly unrelated, but related, Troy is home now and last night there is an issue with a drunk neighbor and the police were called multiple times. Troy and kids are all ok, just shaken up. Please prayer for wisdom for Troy and safety for them all.
We so appreciate your prayers through every step of this process. We saw God at work so many times. Faith is doing great she is eating well, growing and sleeping really well for a newborn:) Also another small blessing is that with the timing of weaning Sam form nursing I was able to rebuild my supply and I am able to breastfeed her which is great for bonding and extra health benefits too.
Thank you again for reading this long rambling, I think I could have written pages more, but this gives you an idea. We are so in love with this precious new daughter and can't wait for you all to meet her!
The next morning the timing was perfect and we arrived at the hospital just as they were getting out of the taxi. We helped them carry their things up to the room. We also met the EM's brother who had come for the day to support her. He was nice and we were able to talk with him at various times throughout the day.
The doctor came around 8:30 and started her on the Pitocin. They asked us to leave the room while they got everything settled. Then the BM's attorney arrived and asked us to stay out of the room a while longer. we just had to roll with the requests. Then around 12 the attorney came to us again and said we should leave the hospital and go to lunch, just to stay within a 15-minute radius. This was a bit disappointing, as I really wanted to be there for the EM. The attorney said she would call us around 3 with an update.
Around 3:30 we got a call saying things still weren’t progressing quickly and we could come back to the hospital for a visit with the EM. We hurried back and went right to her room. At that point they had stopped the Pitocin as they said the babies movements had slowed down quite a bit when she started having some bigger contractions. So the EM was just sitting in her bed, which she had been doing most of the time. she said she really couldn't feel any contractions at that point. The baby’s heartbeat was strong. We stayed in the room with her 30 minutes or so then were asked by the attorney to go to the waiting room. About 5pm the FM came to the waiting room with tears in her eyes saying that they were doing a cesarean. We found out at that point that they had broken her water shortly after starting the Pitocin, and that she really hadn't progressed. Really felt horrible for her having to go through a cesarean at such a young age. We were not able to see her before she went in for surgery, then at 6:47 baby was born. The attorney came to get us just a few minutes after and we went to the nursery window to see her for the first time. She was so tiny and just screaming. then she sucked her fingers in her mouth and settled right down. About 30 minutes later they brought her out to see us for the first time. She was just beautiful perfect in every way. Her scores at birth were 9 and 9. She had quite a thick layer of vernix so the Pediatrician said she was probably about 38 weeks gestation.
Initially our plan with the EM and FM had been for the EM to have one hospital bracelet and for me to have the other. This would allow us unsupervised access to the baby. When the birth happened the hospital gave the bracelets to the EM, now the Birth mom (BM) and the FM. So at that point we had to only be with the baby if she was in the room with the BM. We checked with the hospital about spending the night there and they offered to let us stay in a room about 3 doors down from the BM. We met with the BM attorney again and she strongly advised us to not stay there, but I really felt I needed to. So later that night probably 9 or 10pm The nurses told us as long as we showed picture ID we could be with baby. So at that point Troy visited for a little while then he went back to the hotel which was just a few minutes away to get a good night sleep. I was able to have the baby in my room most f the night, which was an amazing blessing. The first time we had some quiet alone time I was just holding her and talking to her and praying over her and it just felt like we were so connected already. It felt as if my heart was bursting with love for her and for her birth mom who was making this amazing choice.
Troy came back in the morning and we spent the day getting to know the birth mom and her FM. Troy had taken her brother home the night before in our rental car. The birth mom was in so much pain it was really hard to watch. After that first night she was refusing all pain meds. She also, later in the day, kept getting up to walk around to try to recover faster. It was really shocking and hard to watch her go through this, but the whole time she was amazingly strong and kept reaffirming her commitment to her plan. We spent a lot of time that day in their room with baby and she really didn’t want to hold or see baby very much. The FM was the same and just tried to keep her distance from baby but they really wanted us in there with them (I think to see how we were doing with baby). Towards the end of the day she did hold baby, but then when baby started to cry she held the baby to ne and said come get your baby. She said another time that she never really felt like the baby was hers and she felt that was our baby.
She said another time that she never really felt that the baby was hers.
The day was long and we finally went to be around 11 and baby was allowed to be with me again through the night. It was interesting tome how different bottle-feeding was. I am so used to breastfeeding it was awkward to figure out when and how much to feed her. But I was so thankful for that time, Troy slept back at the hotel again. That afternoon also the FM had agreed for me to have the bracelet as the nurses said now that I wasn't allowed to see he baby along without it, so that was great, but the FM wanted me to make sure to not leave the floor for any reason or she wanted the bracelet back...
The third day was spent mostly again all of us in the room with the birth mom and her FM. Troy took the FM home to get a few things, and it was great getting o know them and to hear more of their lives, as sad and hard as it was to hear. At a few points throughout teh day we were able to have time alone with the birthmother and just repeatedly thanked us for giving her baby right now what she wasn't able to. She did around dinnertime also secretly let us know that her FM hadn't had anything to eat that day and she didn;t have any money to buy something, so Troy went and bought a pizza and dropped it off ath their roon. Throughout out hospital stay the nurses had been good to us, but the FM's strong personality and her methods were really building up I think on the nurses and doctors. The care the birth mom was reviving was defiantly below par and the doctors and nurses really did as minimal contact with her as they could. at one point the second day the birth mom was complaining that one of her sides really hurt and they called the nurse in. The Dr. was on the floor so she said she would get him. She came back a few minutes later and said she told the Dr. and he said to just tell her "she is fine". I was shocked to say the least, even the nurse looked a bit embarrassed that the doctor didn’t even come check her. So later that afternoon the FM called me into their room, her knee had been bothering her so she was trying not to walk around a lot. She asked if I could help BM get up out of bed and into the shower. I was so thankful to be able to help. Early on I was told by the attorney to not interfere or try to help the BM as much as I really, really wanted to. She said I needed to respect the FM's mothering, as different as it was to mine:). So up til this point I had just been trying to keep quiet and still and not offer to help unless asked. So I was able to help her shower and help bind her breasts after. But really this was something the nursing staff should have been helping with, but they never did... So tensions continued to build between FM and the staff. That night we were just trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour it was after 10 and we had just gotten into bed. I had asked as it was the last night if Troy could stay at the hospital with me as I was exhausted and could use the help, but really wanted baby to stay with us verses going to the nursery. Anyway Troy had just fallen asleep when there was a knock and our door was opened by grandma who was VERY upset and saying they were leaving the hospital.
So... the next couple hours were a flurry of panicked phone called to both attorneys trying to calm her down and convince her to just stay the night as the attorneys were scheduled to come in the morning anyway. The FM insisted that they needed to leave now or "she would end up going to jail" So she signed forms that against medical advice she was taking her daughter home. This whole time she was still affirming that the baby was still ours, but that they just needed to leave. She said we could come to her house with baby and sleep in her bed and she would sleep on t eh couch. This was something we were very uncomfortable with as Troy has visited their home twice at this point. We tried to convince her to let us stay at the hospital with baby as that was something the hospital agreed to, but she was adamant that if she was leaving we all needed to leave. So about 12:30 it was finally decided that we would all leave and go to a nearby hotel. Our attorney booked us both rooms there. We had to take everyone in our small rental car so they decided that Troy should take them and baby first to the hotel then leave them there with baby then come back to the hotel to pick me up. At this point I was so scared that when we got to the hotel they would end up keeping baby, but as with the past three days I just had to go along with their plans as much as it was scary. There were many, many, many prayers being said though. So that was what happened. It was after 1am when Troy came back to pick me up, as soon as we pulled to the hotel though we got a phone call before I was even out of the car from the F saying "come get your baby" she was fussy and wanted me:). WHAT a relief I didn't unload anything just went as fast as I could to their room. Then at that point after 1:30am now, she wanted to say all her goodbyes and take pictures:) I can only imagine what our faces look like at that point...
We got to our room around 2am and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning the attorneys were scheduled to come at 10:30. We got a call saying they were delayed and it wouldn't be until 11:30. Around 11:45 I got a call from the FM she said "Lorene honey I have some bad news.....long pause..."we love you guys HAHAHAHAHA!" needless to say I didn't think it was funny at the time:) then she sent a text a few minutes later that she was still laughing and wished she could have seen my face... this was pretty similar to to things that had gone on all during our stay, just a very different personality. So then around 12:30 we heard the attorneys were meeting with them signing papers. About 15 minutes later they came to our room and said it was all done. Then a few minutes later the BM and FM came to our room for the adoption ceremony and to really say their good byes.
Wow this is all so much harder to write then I thought it would be...
Going into adoption you hear what a powerful, emotional, difficult process it is, but until you have walked through it is so much bigger than anything I could have imagined or expected.
Our attorney wanted to video the ceremony and took pictures throughout, nut sure when we will be able to watch it, but I am sure someday it will be good to share with Faith. The Birth mom had a teddy bear that talked and although it sounds kind of corny it was some beautiful words about adoption. Then Troy and I had a letter prepared to share with her. Even before Troy started reading we all were crying. I gave the Birthmother a customized necklace I had made just for her.It was a hugely powerful, emotional time for all of us. Then we took some more pictures and everyone hugged a lot and then it was over. Our attorney met with us to go over a few more lingering details and we would appreciate your continued prayers about these aspects.
At this point the birthfather is "unnamed" so there is a legal process that has to be taken to terminate his parental rights. M understanding is that this process takes 7-10 business days. So there is a small chance that the birthfather will not want to terminate his rights at that point then the court will have to make a decision. Our understanding is that if he has not been involved up until this point there would be a very small chance that he would be able to keep his parental rights.
Secondly Troy flew home Saturday to be with the rest of the kids at home. Please pray for him extra measures of patience and energy. Lastly I am still in Florida with baby Faith, staying with some wonderful friends of ours, and so thankful for them. I cannot leave the state with the baby until the paperwork clears which at this point is estimated to be about a week and a half more. I would love to get home sooner. Please pray that this ICPC paperwork can be expedited in some way.
Lastly unrelated, but related, Troy is home now and last night there is an issue with a drunk neighbor and the police were called multiple times. Troy and kids are all ok, just shaken up. Please prayer for wisdom for Troy and safety for them all.
We so appreciate your prayers through every step of this process. We saw God at work so many times. Faith is doing great she is eating well, growing and sleeping really well for a newborn:) Also another small blessing is that with the timing of weaning Sam form nursing I was able to rebuild my supply and I am able to breastfeed her which is great for bonding and extra health benefits too.
Thank you again for reading this long rambling, I think I could have written pages more, but this gives you an idea. We are so in love with this precious new daughter and can't wait for you all to meet her!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Adoption Update- God is Providing!
Just wanted to share a bit more about a few aspects where we have seen Gods hand of provision through this journey.
Initially when considering moms to present to we were concerned about travel distance, cost of flights having to stay at a hotel for 2 weeks etc. Early on we met a man who ministers to adoptive families by providing greatly reduced cost airline tickets for last minute flights. Once we had been matched with this expecting mom in Fl. We found out we had a place to stay. About 8 years ago we moved to California from Maine. I lived in Maine for 10 years and Troy had lived there his whole life. The church I we attended while there was AMAZING. There were two co-pastors at the church who both have since moved away. But we found out that one of these Godly men and his wife live about an hour away from the hospital where the baby is to be born. Also the wonderful couple who sang at our wedding lives very close to the area as well, and another family we knew well at the church in Maine is planning an unrelated visit to the area the first week of November so we may be able to see them as well. A Maine Church family reunion in Florida. So the pastor and his wife have graciously offered to let baby and I stay there while we wait out the ICPC paperwork to clear, which could be about 2 weeks.
We sent out a request for help with funding our adoption a couple weeks ago. At that time with our own savings, we sold our tent trailer, etc we had raised about $10k. The total amount, not including travel expenses will be about $27k. So we had about $17k left to go. In that short amount of time we have received donations totaling $12,000!!!!!! We are just $5000 away from our goal!
If you would like to partner with us to help cover this last bit details are here.
Making a Donation
We are using Lifesong for Orphans, which is a 501c3 tax exempt organization to receive donations on our behalf. Lifesong retains full discretion over your donation, but intends to honor your suggested use, which is for our adoption fund. Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fund-raising costs; TMG Foundation and others, which means 100% of your donation goes to the adoption.
When donating by check, make checks payable to “Lifesong for Orphans. In the memo, note “family account number: #3765” and “family name: FOSTER” to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744.
Another option is to give online CLICK HERE by selecting Give to an Adoptive Family and then complete the online form using 3765 as the Family Account Number and Foster as Family Name. *Please note that your donation is decreased by 2.9% + $.30 USD when using PayPal.*
*Individual donations of $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250 will gladly be sent upon request.* In order to have your contribution be tax deductible, do not use the paypal link on this page- go to the Lifesong site as directed above. If you do not care about that aspect feel free to use this link.
**As 2013 draws to a close, you may have wish to give before yearend in order to report on 2013 taxes. In order to do so, please be sure to have your check postmarked by December 31.
We did just hear from our attorney that so far our expectant mom is not having contractions and the doctor feels like it will still be another week or so even though her due date was 10-28.
We so appreciate your prayers.
Please join us in praying for her, for her heart and mind these last days, for her unborn baby, for a safe labor and delivery.
Please join us in praying for the timing, at this point we are waiting for a call that she is in labor and then we will leave. Most likely if this happens we will not be there for the birth with travel time, she and her foster mom would really like us to be there as soon as possible, ideally for the birth. Please pray for Gods hand in the timing. If we are not able to be there right away that He would be there giving her peace in the waiting.
We also have a few of the rice neck warmers/heat/cold packs still available. They were made lightly scented with 2 different natural oil scents Lavender and Lemon Eucalyptus. We also have smaller boo boo bags for kids or smaller areas. These rice bags are great for the freezer for a cold pack when you have a sore spot or for a forehead when you have a fever. They are also microwavable for heatpacks. We are asking for a suggested donation amount of $7 each or 2 for $10, or the kids small size are 3 for $10. They are handmade by our friends and family. If you are local you can pick them up or contact me about possibly delivery in Redding if you buy multiple packs. There are a variety of prints available you can choose from if you pick up locally. These make great Christmas gifts and Christmas will be here before you know it. Scroll down to a previous post for pictures.
Thanks and hopefully my next post will be a baby update!
Initially when considering moms to present to we were concerned about travel distance, cost of flights having to stay at a hotel for 2 weeks etc. Early on we met a man who ministers to adoptive families by providing greatly reduced cost airline tickets for last minute flights. Once we had been matched with this expecting mom in Fl. We found out we had a place to stay. About 8 years ago we moved to California from Maine. I lived in Maine for 10 years and Troy had lived there his whole life. The church I we attended while there was AMAZING. There were two co-pastors at the church who both have since moved away. But we found out that one of these Godly men and his wife live about an hour away from the hospital where the baby is to be born. Also the wonderful couple who sang at our wedding lives very close to the area as well, and another family we knew well at the church in Maine is planning an unrelated visit to the area the first week of November so we may be able to see them as well. A Maine Church family reunion in Florida. So the pastor and his wife have graciously offered to let baby and I stay there while we wait out the ICPC paperwork to clear, which could be about 2 weeks.
We sent out a request for help with funding our adoption a couple weeks ago. At that time with our own savings, we sold our tent trailer, etc we had raised about $10k. The total amount, not including travel expenses will be about $27k. So we had about $17k left to go. In that short amount of time we have received donations totaling $12,000!!!!!! We are just $5000 away from our goal!
If you would like to partner with us to help cover this last bit details are here.
Making a Donation
We are using Lifesong for Orphans, which is a 501c3 tax exempt organization to receive donations on our behalf. Lifesong retains full discretion over your donation, but intends to honor your suggested use, which is for our adoption fund. Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fund-raising costs; TMG Foundation and others, which means 100% of your donation goes to the adoption.
When donating by check, make checks payable to “Lifesong for Orphans. In the memo, note “family account number: #3765” and “family name: FOSTER” to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744.
Another option is to give online CLICK HERE by selecting Give to an Adoptive Family and then complete the online form using 3765 as the Family Account Number and Foster as Family Name. *Please note that your donation is decreased by 2.9% + $.30 USD when using PayPal.*
*Individual donations of $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250 will gladly be sent upon request.* In order to have your contribution be tax deductible, do not use the paypal link on this page- go to the Lifesong site as directed above. If you do not care about that aspect feel free to use this link.
**As 2013 draws to a close, you may have wish to give before yearend in order to report on 2013 taxes. In order to do so, please be sure to have your check postmarked by December 31.
We did just hear from our attorney that so far our expectant mom is not having contractions and the doctor feels like it will still be another week or so even though her due date was 10-28.
We so appreciate your prayers.
Please join us in praying for her, for her heart and mind these last days, for her unborn baby, for a safe labor and delivery.
Please join us in praying for the timing, at this point we are waiting for a call that she is in labor and then we will leave. Most likely if this happens we will not be there for the birth with travel time, she and her foster mom would really like us to be there as soon as possible, ideally for the birth. Please pray for Gods hand in the timing. If we are not able to be there right away that He would be there giving her peace in the waiting.
We also have a few of the rice neck warmers/heat/cold packs still available. They were made lightly scented with 2 different natural oil scents Lavender and Lemon Eucalyptus. We also have smaller boo boo bags for kids or smaller areas. These rice bags are great for the freezer for a cold pack when you have a sore spot or for a forehead when you have a fever. They are also microwavable for heatpacks. We are asking for a suggested donation amount of $7 each or 2 for $10, or the kids small size are 3 for $10. They are handmade by our friends and family. If you are local you can pick them up or contact me about possibly delivery in Redding if you buy multiple packs. There are a variety of prints available you can choose from if you pick up locally. These make great Christmas gifts and Christmas will be here before you know it. Scroll down to a previous post for pictures.
Thanks and hopefully my next post will be a baby update!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Grace-
Grace- Defined as "the free and unmerited favor of God"
At our wedding we all sang the Hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness" That has been a constant theme running through our lives and our adoption journey.
We sent out some letters last week asking for help funding our adoption. We have saved up a bit and still have a good amount left to raise. When we have a tight budget already, thinking about these amounts seem daunting and unachievable. Then yesterday I got a text from a friend saying she had some good news for us. Then she called to say that she had shared our letter with a friend who was willing to help us with the funding. The amount he is willing to donate FAR surpassed anything we could imagined or expected, and he doesn't even know our family! Totally in shock and awe of Gods Grace and Faithfulness to us. Feeling overwhelmed and blessed. Humbled and unworthy.
We also had the opportunity to skype with this sweet expecting mom today. It was so hard to see her and not be able to hug her and touch her.... She is timid and hesitant, and rightfully so, there have been 2 families before us who have met with her and committed to her and her baby and then later backed out. She is afraid that we will do the same. We have said we are committed 100% to love her and her baby. But will you please join is in praying for peace for her in this time. She has way more on her mind then anyone should have to handle at once. We are trying to think of ways we can clearly show our feelings for her over the coming weeks, trying to not overwhelm her, but at the same time show we care and that we are 100% for her and baby.
Please join us in praying for her, for her heart and mind these last few weeks, for her unborn baby, for a safe labor and delivery.
Please join us in praying for the timing, at this point we are waiting for a call that she is in labor and then we will leave. Most likely if this happens we will not be there for the birth with travel time, she and her foster mom would really like us to be there as soon as possible, ideally for the birth. Please pray for Gods hand in the timing. If we are not able to be there right away that He would be there giving her peace in the waiting.
Please, if you are willing to partner with us financially details are HERE on how you can make a tax deductible gift. Or if you aren't concerned with that aspect there is a link on the top right to give also.
At our wedding we all sang the Hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness" That has been a constant theme running through our lives and our adoption journey.
We sent out some letters last week asking for help funding our adoption. We have saved up a bit and still have a good amount left to raise. When we have a tight budget already, thinking about these amounts seem daunting and unachievable. Then yesterday I got a text from a friend saying she had some good news for us. Then she called to say that she had shared our letter with a friend who was willing to help us with the funding. The amount he is willing to donate FAR surpassed anything we could imagined or expected, and he doesn't even know our family! Totally in shock and awe of Gods Grace and Faithfulness to us. Feeling overwhelmed and blessed. Humbled and unworthy.
We also had the opportunity to skype with this sweet expecting mom today. It was so hard to see her and not be able to hug her and touch her.... She is timid and hesitant, and rightfully so, there have been 2 families before us who have met with her and committed to her and her baby and then later backed out. She is afraid that we will do the same. We have said we are committed 100% to love her and her baby. But will you please join is in praying for peace for her in this time. She has way more on her mind then anyone should have to handle at once. We are trying to think of ways we can clearly show our feelings for her over the coming weeks, trying to not overwhelm her, but at the same time show we care and that we are 100% for her and baby.
Please join us in praying for her, for her heart and mind these last few weeks, for her unborn baby, for a safe labor and delivery.
Please join us in praying for the timing, at this point we are waiting for a call that she is in labor and then we will leave. Most likely if this happens we will not be there for the birth with travel time, she and her foster mom would really like us to be there as soon as possible, ideally for the birth. Please pray for Gods hand in the timing. If we are not able to be there right away that He would be there giving her peace in the waiting.
Please, if you are willing to partner with us financially details are HERE on how you can make a tax deductible gift. Or if you aren't concerned with that aspect there is a link on the top right to give also.
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